November stand-up comedy shows

11/3-5: Craig Robinson

“Ain’t no party like a no-panty party, cause a no-panty party don’t stop!”

- Craig Robinson in This Is the End

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

11/4-5: Alycia Cooper

“Everything gets on my nerves. Especially when people ask if I have kids. Hell no, I ain’t got no kids! Have you seen these little motherf***ers? They are bad as sh**. They running around like wolves. And they are spoiled as hell. They will unplug their grandmother’s oxygen tank to charge their cell phone.”

- Alycia Cooper at Gotham Comedy Club

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

11/10-12: Sklar Brothers

“Our parents have the best names in the history of parental names: Dick and Annette Sklar. Which, of course, brings to the surface our old favorite joke: How do you catch a dick? With Annette.”

- The Sklar Brothers on Comedy Central Presents

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

11/11-12: Steve Wilson

“You know sleep is important when you starting talking to your friends about it like it’s sex. Your friends are like, ‘Yo man, what you’d do last night?’ and you’re like, ‘Man, I got some sleep last night. Man, I tore that bed up. I slept in every position. I slept so good my bed called me at work today. Asked me to come home and take a nap.’ ”

- Steve Wilson at the Ice House Comedy Club

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

11/17-20: Harland Williams

“I’m excited. I’m excited. I’ve got some good news I can’t keep a secret any longer. My girlfriend is eating for two now! How about that, huh? No, she’s not pregnant; she’s just a fat pig.”

- Harland Williams on Just for Laughs

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

11/18-19: Jimmy Shubert

“I don’t feel any safer when I travel. I just have to run this gauntlet of f***ing retards before I can actually get on the plane now. The TSA. What does that stand for? Take Scissors Away? I mean, you know they’re all federal government employees. Right there that alone should make you feel about as safe as a gerbil in the front window of a San Francisco pet shop.”

- Jimmy Shubert on Alive & Kickin’

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

11/19: Alonzo Bodden

“Then I met the anesthesiologist. This is another winner. He’s like, ‘This is gonna to be the most relaxing day of your life. I’m gonna put you in Michael Jackson-sleep.’ I said, ‘I’d better be black when I wake up, because I saw what you clowns did to Mike. I ain’t having it.’”

- Alonzo Bodden on Just for Laughs

@ Carlsbad Village Theatre, carlsbadvillagetheatre.com

11/20: Joel McHale

“E! is also home to the Kardashians, who, believe it or not, are Republicans. And I know that because they’re always trying to screw black people.”

- Joel McHale at the 2014 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

@ Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com

11/23: Doug Benson

“Coffee’s so much worse than marijuana. I’ve never woke up in the morning and went, ‘If I don’t smoke marijuana right now, my brain is going to explode.’ It’s more like, ‘If I don’t smoke marijuana right now, it’ll seem odd ‘cause I do it every g*dd*** day.’ ”

- Doug Benson on Doug Dynasty

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

11/25-27: Yannis Pappas

“I know I’m getting old. Last week I threw my back out moving my stuff back into my mom’s house.”

- Yannis Pappas at Caroline’s Comedy Club

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com