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Laughing stock: March stand-up comedy shows

AprilMacie4
April Macie. (Courtesy photo)

Comedians performing at comedy venues around San Diego this month include Brian Posehn, Jacob Sirof and April Macie.

3.2 JACOB SIROF

 "Anyone been to a NASCAR event? You won’t see one black guy there, right? Not one. You’re better off trying to find a Mexican in a Crate & Barrel. It’s not gonna happen. You might find a Mexican in a crate or a barrel, but probably not shopping at the Crate & Barrel.”

- Jacob Sirof on Rooftop Comedy

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

 

3.3-5 DAVE ATTELL

“My nutsack looks like a tent nobody knows how to fold up. It’s everywhere. ... When I die, don’t waste money on a coffin. Just pull my nutsack over my head like a reverse hoodie, and throw me in the ocean.” - Dave Attell on “Conan”

- Dave Attell on “Conan”

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

 

3.10-11 BRET ERNST

“I’m exhausted from walking around the city with these eyebrows all day. It takes a lot out of you. I actually have to wax them like once every three days or they start growing into a goatee. I don’t know if my mother banged a Muppet in the ‘70s or what, but it is what it is. “

- Bret Ernst on “Comedy Central Presents”

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

3.10-12 FINESSE MITCHELL

“Black women under the age of 21 shouldn’t be allowed to have black children by themselves. Names like Finesse, La Quay Quay, Plexico. All this bulls*** got to stop sooner or later.”

- Finesse Mitchell on “The Kevin Nealon Show”

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

3.16-18 APRIL MACIE

“Did you guys know that penises own 98 percent of land? The entire world is owned by a dick. Women own less than 2 percent of the land ‘cause we buy dumb s*** like spray tans and eyelash extensions. All my cash is tied up in bronzer currently.”

- April Macie at Gotham Comedy Club

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

 

3.17-18 SAM TRIPOLI

“I’ve had a weird week. I just found out that my ex-girlfriend got deported. Yeah, it’s crazy how a call to Immigration can give you closure, you know what I’m saying?”

- Sam Tripoli on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

 

3.18 JAY & SILENT BOB

“I grew up in a pretty gay world - my brother’s gay and he’s been married to a man for 20 years, which is like 60 in straight-people years.”

- Kevin Smith on “Piers Morgan Tonight”

@ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

 

3.21 MAX ROSENBLUM

“Do you know what my least favorite religion is? Yours.”

- Max Rosenblum on Comedy Time

@ The Comedy Palace, thecomedypalace.com

 

3.23-25 BRIAN POSEHN

“I love Portland so much, but I could not live up here - because I own a purebred dog. Pretty sure they’re illegal. I have rescues too, so don’t be like, ‘You know you should only have rescues.’ I do rescue. My purebred, I rescued her ... from a breeder.”

- Brian Posehn on Posehn 25/2x

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

 

3.30-4.1 BRYAN CALLEN

“A real man never laughs unless he’s taking a life.”

- Bryan Callen in “Never Grow Up”

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com