Laughing Stock

Comedy Curator: Catlin Dorset

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, ‘denigrate’ means ‘put down.’” - Bob Newhart on The Bob Newhart Show
11.1: Bob Newhart @ Harrah’s Resort SoCal, harrahssocal.com

“So, over the months, I developed an eating disorder: I couldn’t stop eating Vicodin. That sh!t is delicious.” - Bobby Lee on Comedy Central’s Uncensored
11/5-7: Bobby Lee @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“Why would a pimple cream advertise ‘Maximum Strength.’ Shouldn’t that be the only kind? Who would buy minimum strength? - Darren Carter on Twitter
11/6-7: Darren Carter @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, thecomedystore.com

“Water discovered on Mars. I guess that means I can water my lawn for more than 38 seconds a week?” - Jimmy Pardo on Twitter
11/8: Jimmy Pardo @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“Sucks being a single guy, having a penis and no where to put it. Girls, you don’t know; you have a vagina. Walk the earth long enough, and someone’s gonna have sex with you, okay? It’s just a matter of time... and you lowering your standards a little bit.” - Chris Porter on Live at Gotham
11/13-14: Chris Porter @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, thecomedystore.com

“Peed next to Rick Springfield last week & he was wearing flip flops. 100% positive some of my pee ended up on his little toes. #jessesgirl.” - Nick Thune on Twitter
11/12-14: Nick Thune @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“I hate new couples, that’s what I hate. Old couples, you been together, I respect that. New couples, all that touching - f*** that. That’s bullshit. That ain’t real love; real love is when you been together and you don’t give a f*** about each other. That’s real love.” - Steve Wilson at the Comedy House
11/20-21: Steve Wilson @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, thecomedystore.com

“There’s a lot of white people in here. Boy, I ain’t seen this many white people in a minute. I like messing with white people; I ain’t gonna lie to you. I’m the type of brother that go in the white barbershop and say, ‘Anybody in here braid hair?’” -Lil Duval on Cedric the Entertainer: Starting Lineup
11/20-22: Lil Duval @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“The iPhone 2 led to the 3, but I didn’t get the 4 or 5 because I’m holding out for the 7, which I’ve heard on good authority can also be used as a Taser. This will mean I’ll have just one less thing to carry around.” - David Sedaris in Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls: Essays, etc.
11/22: David Sedaris @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

“I like to leave my socks on during sex. What? What’s the big deal? It’s just me alone at the computer, what difference does it make if I leave my socks on? My tootsies get cold. It’s chilly in my parents’ basement.” - Doug Benson on Comedy Central Presents
11/25: Doug Benson @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“I’m thinking about having a sex change, but being both!! Then I can be Pauly or Pollyyyy!! Cool?” - Pauly Shore on Twitter
11/27-28: Pauly Shore @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, thecomedystore.com

“I don’t think black men should take Viagra; I think that’s just greedy. That’s sort of like Bill Gates playing the lottery. Enough’s enough, goddammit.” - Patrick DeGuire at The Ice House
11/27-28: Patrick DeGuire @ The Comedy Palace, thecomedypalace.com

“My name’s Piff the Magic Dragon. You might have heard of my older brother... Steve?” - Piff the Magic Dragon on America’s Got Talent
11/27-29: Piff the Magic Dragon @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com