Laughing Stock

Comedy curator: Catlin Dorset

"You ever see a white kid trying to hit on a black woman? 'Hey, baby. Hey, I know they say once you go black, you never go back. But you should try white, that sh*t don't bite.'" -Jamie Kennedy on Premium Blend
10/1-3: Jamie Kennedy @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.co

"If my kids turn out good, I was a good dad. If they turn out bad, they took after my wife's side of the family." -Jeff Foxworthy on Twitter
10/2: Jeff Foxworthy @ Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com

"People tell everyone when they have a gluten allergy. It's the opposite of herpes." -Jim Jefferies on Twitter
10/2: Jim Jefferies @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

"I'm a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Trust me, ladies, I will go to dance clubs and I will tear it up hardcore. That's right... for a good 30 seconds." -Gabriel Iglesias on Premium Blend
10/9: Gabriel Iglesias @ Valley View Casino Center, valleyviewcasinocenter.com

"The easiest way to get on a billboard in Los Angeles is to become a DJ in Las Vegas." -Grant Cotter on Twitter
10/9-10: Grant Cotter @ The Comedy Palace, thecomedypalace.com

"Sometimes there's another reason that people take so long to text you back: They aren't playing mind games or busy. They're just GOOGLING THE F*** OUT OF YOU!" -Aziz Ansari in Modern Romance
10/9: Aziz Ansari @ Sleep Train Amphitheatre, oddballfest.com

"Hoping to find a real relationship on Tinder is like shopping for Brussels sprouts at a butcher shop." -Brad Sherwood on Twitter
10/10: Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood @ Pala Casino, palacasino.com

"Listen up, fellas: if you got so much body hair that, when you get into the hot tub, it looks like you're being dipped in seaweed... that ain't for you, man." -Jon Reep on Metro Jethro
10/15-17: Jon Reep @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"Here's the big one that vegans love to say: 'Do you know that humans are the only animal to drink the milk of other animals?' Like, woah, that's so crazy! You know what else only people do? Fly planes, make movies, call each other on the phone to tell each other how awesome milk is." -Joe Rogan on Joe Rogan: Rocky Mountain High
10/16: Joe Rogan @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

"It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Ya' know what I'm talkin' 'bout? Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof." -Mike Epps as Black Doug in The Hangover
10/17: Mike Epps @ Pala Casino, palacasino.com

"I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f***ed in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.'" -Greg Behrendt on John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show
10/18: Greg Behrendt @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"[My ex and I] lived together, and when you live together, sex takes on a whole new dimension. I feel like a prostitute that works for really low rates. 'I'll do oral and anal... if you take out the garbage.'" -Margaret Cho on Revolution
10/22: Margaret Cho @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

"My solution to gun control: have a Rubik's Cube on it, that way you have to be smart enough to shoot it. See, you wouldn't be able to shoot somebody unless you figured it out." -Carrot Top on The Arsenio Hall Show
10/22: Carrot Top @ Sycuan Casino, sycuan.com

"I like dark-ass women. I want a girl so dark, when I turn the lights off, I don't know where the hell she at. She just run past and do freaky stuff to me." -DeRay Davis on Comedy Central Presents
10/22-25: DeRay Davis @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"I'm 28; it's a weird age. It's the age, as a woman, when your body just starts to tell you to have a baby. My body's just like, 'Have a baby.' My bank account's like, 'Don't you even f***ing think about it.'" -Nikki Glaser on Comedy Central Stand-Up
10/29-31: Nikki Glaser @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

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