Laughing Stock

“Boys’ Catholic school is a lot like going to a regular school, except your teacher is a priest - with benefits. No, i’m kidding. I was never touched by any priest in school. Which makes me think, ‘Am i not attractive?’ Usually they are giving that shit away.” -C

hris Hardwick

on Comedy Central Stand-Up
7/25-26: Chris Hardwick @ Balboa Theatre,

“My laptop has been acting kind of buggy lately. I was working on it, and this thing popped up. It said: ‘Windows encountered a critical flaw. Would you like to send an error report back to Microsoft?’ and I clicked ‘Don’t Send’ ‘cause I ain’t no f**king snitch.” -Fahim Anwar on Comedy Central’s Russell Simmons Presents
7/3-6: Fahim Anwar @ The American Comedy Company,

“We deal with a lot of different stereotypes. Some are true, some aren’t. Like that stereotype, ‘All black people with dreadlocks smoke weed.’ That’s bullshit. All white people with dreadlocks smoke weed.” -Bruce Jingles at the Laugh Factory
7/3-5: Bruce Jingles @ Mad House Comedy Club,

“White folks is my favorite thing on TV ‘cause if you wanna see blacks or Latinos on TV, all you gotta do is turn on COPS. White folks got your own tv show, though; it’s called When Animals Attack. ‘Cause we don’t ever put ourselves in a position where we get mauled by a bear. If there’s a Puerto Rican in the woods right now, it’s because he’s hiding from the DEA."-A

lex Ortiz

on Comedy Central Stand-Up
7/11-12: Alex Ortiz @ The Comedy Palace,

“I broke up today with my boyfriend. Well, neither of us were gay. We were just doing it to upset our parents... and the Christian right.” -Judah Friedlander on Comedy Central Stand-Up
7/24-26: Judah Friedlander @ The American Comedy Company,

“God doesn’t hate fags or anybody else for that matter. God saves! Then, God passes it to Gretzky, who roofs that shit, top-shelf! Then God and Gretzky high-five and belly-bump, celebrating their hockey prowess. And never once do they give a shit if anybody’s gay or not.”
-Kevin Smith in his book, Tough Shit: Life Advice from a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good
7/24: Kevin Smith @ The American Comedy Company,

“IRS got me doing the BET awards, I’m not gonna lie. They make me sick. They back there right now counting my money and eating chicken. Pay your taxes, y’all. pay your taxes and don’t listen to the wrong people. That’s the last time I let Wesley Snipes help me with my taxes.”

hris Tucker

hosting the 2013 BET awards
7/25: Chris Tucker @ San Diego Civic Theatre,

“I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. Cop said to me, ‘You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the carpool lane.’ I said, ‘Check the trunk.’"-Doug Benson on Comedy Central Stand-Up
7/23: Doug Benson @ House of Blues,