Laughing Stock

Compiled by Catlin Dorset

“I don’t like the word ‘fat.’ I think it sounds harsh. I like to refer to myself as, ‘Hard to kidnap.’ Think about that, people - you’re not throwing my fat ass into a moving vehicle anytime soon, because that is gonna take some planning.” -Jen Kober on Myspace’s Stand Up/Sit Down Comedy Challenge
2/1: Jen Kober @ The Comedy Palace, thecomedypalace.com

“I think Cops is highest rated among black people. You see a group of black people watching Cops, you’d think they watching the Super Bowl game. I ain’t never seen so many whites getting arrested in all my f***ing life! White men running from the police - I’m taping this sh!t.” -Tommy Davidson on All Star Comedy Jam
2/6-8: Tommy Davidson @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com

“Let’s be honest; monogamy’s a bunch of horse sh!t. It really is. It sucks; it’s not fun. It’s like fishing in a pond with one fish. You’re like, ‘Oh, oh, look what I caught. Oh, it’s you again.’” -Eddie Ifft at Sydney Comedy Festival
2/7-8: Eddie Ifft @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com

“I just read that 98 percent of toothbrushes have fecal matter on them. I must be doing it wrong.” -Josh Wolf tweet from December 13
2/13-15: Josh Wolf @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com

“Who’s coming up with the serving sizes? A serving size of ice cream is half a cup. What is that? I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.” -Brian Regan on Comedy Central Presents: Brian Regan
2/14: Brian Regan @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.com

“For people who saw Who’s Line [is it Anyway?], how many of you think that before the show we got some kind of hint; somebody told us what the scenes were gonna be about, so it wasn’t totally improvised? Okay, you people are bastards.” -Colin Mochrie at the Just For Laughs Festival
2/20: Colin Mochrie & Brad Sherwood @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.com

“I went and bought one of these laser jet printers a while back; ninety-nine bucks for a brand new laser jet printer. What a steal, I thought, ninety-nine bucks! ‘Til a couple of weeks ago, the little ink cartridge ran out, and I had to buy a new one... seven hundred dollars.” -Harland Williams on Comedy Central Presents: Harland Williams
2/27-3/1: Harland Williams @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com