June Comedy Shows

6.2-4: Ian Bagg @ American Comedy Co.,

“The other day in China, a lady had a baby with three arms. Oh, my god. They’re always one step ahead of us. He’s probably making shoes and toys right now as we speak.” - Ian Bagg on Comedy Central Presents

6.3-4: K-von @ The Comedy Palace,

“I went up to a girl, we’re at a club, everyone’s having fun, and I go, ‘Hey, I’m staying in the hotel room next door; we can go there later.’ She goes, ‘Excuse me? I am not a whore.’ I was like, ‘I was not offering to pay you.’” -K-von during a performance at Pechanga Resort

6.11: Jim Jefferies @ Pala Casino,

“So, Sesame Street is on HBO now. I guess only rich kids should be allowed to learn how to count.” - Jim Jefferies on Twitter

6.11-12: Justin Willman @ American Comedy Co.,

“I think that magic is like breast implants, okay. We all know they’re fake, but, when done well, can give you a feeling of true wonder.” - Justin Willman on Conan

6.16-18: Tommy Davidson @ American Comedy Co.,

“TV will drive your ass crazy. Psychic hotlines, how many of y'all call the hotline? If they were really psychic, wouldn’t they be calling your ass at home? - Tommy Davidson on Premium Blend

6.17-18: Steve Hofstetter @ The Comedy Palace,

“When the aliens come and we have to convince them to spare us, Donald Trump running for President will be a tough one to explain.” - Steve Hofstetter on Twitter

6.17-18: Steve Treviño @ The Comedy Store,

“You women don’t get it. Women don’t understand what it feels like when men win in gambling. Let me help you out, ladies. Imagine you walk into Macy’s... and everything is free. Your vaginas would scream, ‘AHHH!’” - Steve Treviño on Steve Treviño: Relatable

6.18: Trevor Noah @ Harrah’s Resort SoCal,

“Black people can ‘woohoo,’ black people often do ‘woohoo,’ but it’s not instinctively a black sound of happiness, and I think it’s because black people aren’t comfortable with the ‘woohoo.’ Deep down inside, there’s a certain moment in ‘woohoo’ when every black person stops enjoying it. There’s just a moment when, and maybe this is my own personal experience, but I feel it sounds eerily similar to a police siren.” - Trevor Noah on Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation

6.24-25: Ralphie May @ American Comedy Co.,

“Have you seen [Dora the Explorer]? If you haven’t, it’s about a five-year-old little Mexican girl that’s always lost. It should be called Dora the Amber Alert. - Ralphie May on Ralphie May: Too Big to Ignore

6.30-7.2: Chris Distefano @ American Comedy Co.,

“It’s ‘allergies or pink eye’ season, kids. Pollen or poo poo? There’s no way to know.” - Chris Distefano on Twitter