"I'm sorry, lady, I don't want to have sex with you unless you want to have sex with me. In that case, yes I'll have sex with you." - Adam DeVine as Adam DeMamp on Workaholics
2/28-3/2: Adam DeVine @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com
Currently starring as Adam on Comedy Central's hit show Workaholics, DeVine was the Treblemakers front man in movie Pitch Perfect.
"So, this priest walks up to a prostitute on the street corner, and he says, 'Excuse me, young lady, what would your mother do if she saw you here?' She said, 'Oh, she'd kill me! This is her corner.'"
- Anjelah Johnson
3/2: Anjelah Johnson @ Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com
Why you no have boyfran? This now-hitched previous SNL funny lady has more than 30-million views of her "Nail Salon" skit on YouTube.
"Big S/O to all the single people, we'll be lonely tonight but not miserable tomorrow!"
-Michael Yo tweet on Valentine's Day
3/13: Michael Yo @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedy.com
The former E! News correspondent and Chelsea Lately regular is headlining the touring Hot Mess Comedy Show.
"Never laugh at your significant other when they're having an orgasm. That is their time to shine."
- Iliza Shlesinger
3/15-16: Iliza Shlesinger @ The Comedy Store, lajolla.thecomedystore.com
If late-night MTV reruns are your thing, you'll probably recognize this Excused host who just finished filming the movie Paradise opposite Julianne Hough and Russell Brand.
"If you're British and you don't know a dude named Nigel - you're not British or you're Nigel. That's how that goes."
- Chris D'Elia
3/21-23: Chris D'Elia @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com
Named one of Variety's "Top 10 Comics to Watch" in 2011, Chris D'Elia currently co-stars on NBC's Whitney every Wednesday night.
3/23: Amy Schumer @ Pala Casino Spa Resort, palacasino.com
Her one-hour stand-up show, Mostly Sex Stuff, became Comedy Central's second-highest rated special in 2012. This year, Schumer's bringing Inside Amy to venues across the U.S.
"I'm not making fun of prayer, in case you think I am. I do plan on getting back in touch with God real soon. I just feel like God's forgotten about me because I've moved around a lot and sometimes I wear a hat."
- Jen Kirkman on The Craig Ferguson Show
3/28-30 Jen Kirkman @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com
This Chelsea Lately roundtable regular was the narrator of HBO's "Drunk History," which received the Sundance Film Festival award for "Best Short Film" in 2010.