Laughing stock: May stand-up comedy shows

Comedians performing at comedy venues around San Diego this month include Gabriel Iglesias, Rachel Feinstein and Tom Green.

May 4: Gabriel Iglesias

“Me, racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.”

- Gabriel Iglesias from I’m Not Fat, I’m Fluffy

@ Pala Casino, palacasino.com

May 4-6: Rachel Feinstein

“I went out with this guy, and I went back to his home and he took off his clothes and he had ... a belly-button ring. I was so angry; I wanted answers. I was like, ‘Why do you have a belly-button ring? You have a man-stomach. It’s not like a naughty little space you hang charms off of.”

- Rachel Feinstein on Amy Schumer Presents Rachel Feinstein: Only Whores Wear Purple

@ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

May 5-6: Tom Green

“Melania Trump, by the way, is Donald Trump’s third wife, so she’s actually the Third Lady.”

- Tom Green on CBC’s 22 Minutes

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

May 11-13: Ron Funches

“I do like your summers here in New York. It’s beautiful. I love the summer. I’m a summertime boy. It’s my favorite time to just relax and smoke a little pot. That’s my summer thing. It’s also my winter thing.”

- Ron Funches on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

@ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

May 12-13: Jeff Dye

“A lot of people are surprised when they find out that I’m not gay. Mostly my dad and grandfather.”

- Jeff Dye on “Live from Madison”

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

May 19-20: Steve Rannazzisi

“I used to eat a pot cookie on the way to the airport, so, by the time the plane took off, it would kick in and my anxiety would be okay. But here’s the problem. The pot cookie business is not a regulated industry. There’s no quality control whatsoever. Nabisco doesn’t make pot cookies. I don’t know what those Keebler elves are doing in that f@%king tree, but you’d think if anybody was going to make a pot cookie, it’d be an elf in a tree. But they don’t. They’re lazy. Potheads make pot cookies, so it’s not an exact science.”

- Steve Rannazzisi on Comedy Central Uncensored

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com

May 19-21: Norm MacDonald

“I feel the same way about slaves as I do about shirts with flame patterns on them. I don’t want to be friends with anyone who owns either of them.”

- Norm MacDonald on Norm MacDonald Live

@ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

May 25-27: Brooks Wheelan

“Cocaine should just be called, ‘Oh no, it’s tomorrow!’ That’s all that happens. You just do it, then whoopsies, the sun’s out. ... Whenever that drug is offered, someone should be required to yell ‘Hey, who wants to panic alone in their bed later?’”

- Brooks Wheelan on This Is Cool, Right?

@ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

May 26-27: Murray Valeriano

“‘I’m going to release my tax returns’ is what I say when I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.”

- Murray Valeriano on Twitter

@ The Comedy Store, lajolla.comedystore.com