August Comedy Shows

8.3: Jim Gaffigan @ Cal Coast Credit Union Open Air Theatre at SDSU, as.sdsu.edu/calcoast

"Last summer, we did our first big family vacation. Well, I should clarify: we went to Disney. Now, if you haven't been to Disney as an adult, just imagine you're standing in line at the DMV ... and that's it." - Jim Gaffigan in Mr. Universe

 

8.5-7: Heather McDonald @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"I watch that show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. A woman just gave birth to a nine-pound baby. I hear stories like that and I get jealous. Why can't I be fat enough to have a cramp, go to the hospital and come home with a baby? I would love that." - Heather McDonald in I Don't Mean to Brag

 

8.5-6: Tony Hinchcliffe @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com

 "It's times like these when I ask myself the tough questions, like will things ever change, and how is the poop emoji's teeth so white?" - Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter

8.12-13: Paul Morrissey @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com

"I had to rent a car last week, and it never does a lot for your self-esteem when you go to the rental place and ask for the cheapest discount car you can get, then they give you the same car that you actually own." - Paul Morrissey on Late Night with David Letterman

 

8.13: Steve Martin and Martin Short @ Harrah's Resort SoCal, harrahssocal.com

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." - Steve Martin in Born Standing Up

 

8.19-20: Chris Franjola @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com

"Snapchat is fun if you want to watch your friends slowly slip into psychosis." - Chris Franjola on Twitter

8.19-21: Greg Fitzsimmons @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"Don't end up like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, sober, no debt. I'm dead inside. I did it all wrong. I blew it." - Greg Fitzsimmons in Life on Stage

 

8.20: Russell Peters @ Humphrey's Concerts By the Bay, humphreysconcerts.com 

"Of all the places I've been in the world, Beirut parties like you've never seen before. They literally party like there's no tomorrow, which could very well be true over there."  - Russell Peters in Notorious

 

8.25-27: JB Smoove @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

"Cops do not like to chase your ass. They don't mind the car, because the car can run out of gas, or the spike bust its tires. But when you get outta that damn car, that's when the cops get mad at your ass. Know why? 'Cause they got all that bullsh** on their belt. They got tons of sh** they will never use. They got guns, bullets, tasers, mace, lie-detector tests, DNA test, a damn coffeemaker on that motherf***er. That sh** is heavy!" - JB Smoove on Russell Simmons Presents

 

8.26-27: Ian Edwards @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com

"Men in suits are the biggest robbers and the biggest criminals, hands down. Bernie Madoff was one white dude in a suit. He stole more money than every black dude in the history of hoodies combined. He stole $65 billion. Black dudes in hoodies ain't mugged a million yet." - Ian Edwards on Conan

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