Are San Diego daters just that lazy?


Apathetic. Inert. Half-hearted. Lackadaisical. According to our friend Google, lazy carries these unenthusiastic synonyms and literally means “unwilling to work or use energy.”

If you are in the dating scene here in San Diego, these descriptions are tragically, all too familiar. In fact, they may have escaped your own lips describing your last potential boyfriend/girlfriend, after they failed to do anything productive or romantic to actually keep you.

Well, it’s now official, you aren’t the only one who thinks so.

America’s Finest City has also been given the distinction of “America’s Laziest Dating City” for 2019. Analyzing data and opinions of over 92,000 singles and millions of listeners, the Great Love Debate, a popular podcast and nationally touring show, has proclaimed San Diego to be the worst of the worst in dating with “lack of communication, chronic inaction, and stubbornness in their search for love.”

According to dating influencer Brian Howie of the Great Love Debate podcast, “The men and women in San Diego will drive 12 miles for a deal on a desk at IKEA, yet won’t go from Mission Valley to Carlsbad to meet someone new. The abundance of sunshine has created a lack of urgency, a sense of malaise, and a dearth of dates throughout San Diego County.”

Indeed, when this PACIFIC writer reached out to singles around the county, the feelings expressed about dating were much the same. Becca*, who lives in North County and is an active dater and didn’t want her full name used in the article, said, “I’ve actually been told on a date that it couldn’t possibly work out because I live too far away, once he discovered he was in North Park and I was in Carlsbad.”

So why are San Diegans so pathetic in their dating rituals? Here are a few top theories:

Sunshine, surf, sand

With gorgeous shorelines, blue skies, and waves for days, San Diegans keep their heads and hearts offshore for playtime. Serious relationships when the sun is out? Please. Perhaps too much Vitamin D from the sun affects brain function and motivation? Ray*, a visiting friend from the East Coast recently said, “If I lived here, I’d never get anything done. I’d just daydream about my next trip to the beach.” There you have it.

Hot bodies

Let’s face it. It’s hard to get serious when choices along the coastline are so fetching. From rollerblading, bikini-clad women to muscley, sun-kissed surfers stepping out of the water, the eyes can easily wander in a climate like San Diego’s.

Too many options

In a city with over 200 craft breweries, scores of bars, a myriad restaurants, daters have stopped planning actual dates, and just defer to the neighborhood joint around the corner. Ingrid*, a dater in her 30s told PACIFIC she couldn’t remember the last time she went on a well-planned date. “It’s always just grabbing a drink at the brewery or bar. What happened to actually trying to plan out an interesting and memorable date?”

Dating apps

When apps make it so easy to swipe on to the next face, dates turn into temporary trysts, and lack any foundation for a relationship. Chloe*, a single woman in her mid-20s, said it was nearly impossible for her to find love, because she feels like she is on an interview with every date. “It’s like if your date sees one thing about you as an issue, there’s no working through it, it’s just swipe on to the next date,” she said.

Ready to join in the convo about the sad state of dating affairs in San Diego? Head to the Music Box this tonight for an interactive Great Love Debate Show, and put in your two cents, with guys on the left and girls on the right. Tickets are $22 at the door, which open at 7 p.m., show starts at 8 p.m., 21+ only.

1337 India St., Little Italy, 619.795.1337,