Laughing Stock

Compiled by Catlin Dorset

"Keep it neat, trim, clean and call it a day, you know? Because you need the protection there. It's like the eyebrow of the lower region." -Mary Lynn Rajskub
10/3-6: Mary Lynn Rajskub @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com

"I try to spice things up once in a while. Like, I took a Viagra, which was the worst idea I've ever had in my life. Do you know what Viagra does to a guy my age? I made a four-hour contract with my guy downstairs and I had no idea." -Steve Rannazzisi
10/4-5: Steve Rannazzisi @ The Comedy Store, La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com

"I'm trying to be a better Mexican; I really am. I've got the CDs in my car of how to be a better Mexican. It's a six-CD set, and I'm on the third CD now, called "Stab and Twist." -Al Madrigal
10/10-12: Al Madrigal @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com

"I like Condoleezza Rice. She's a smart woman. She knows four or five languages. Plus, her name sounds like a side dish at Kentucky Fried Chicken." -Loni Love
10/11-13: Loni Love @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com

"I dated one guy from every race. You know, except the Asian guys, 'cause nobody wants that. C'mon I'm trying to have an orgasm not get my computer fixed." -Lisa Lampanelli
10/18: Lisa Lampanelli @ Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com

"I just hate waking up more than anything. It's like Number One on my list. Number Two is, uh... racism. It goes: waking up, then racism - got priorities - then small dogs." -Baron Vaughn
10/18-19: Baron Vaughn @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com

"Men have nice cars, not 'cause they like nice cars, because they know women like nice cars. That's how it goes. Because men are hunters and the car's the bait. And a woman comes and says, 'Ooh you gotta nice Porsche' - gotcha bitch!" -Dave Chappelle
10/18-19: Dave Chappelle @ Spreckels Theatre, spreckels.net

"Mexicans are the most patriotic people to a country we don't live in. We couldn't wait to get outta there, but we took the flag with us." -Paul Rodriguez
10/19: Paul Rodriguez @ Sycuan Casino, sycuan.com

"Isn't it the most beautiful creature on Earth, the pig? I mean it is smarter than a dog, makes great company, and it can hunt for truffles and sh!t and make a living. And if you get hungry... your best friend is delicious." -Rex Navarrete
10/24-27: Rex Navarrete @ The American Comedy Club, americancomedyco.com

"I know where Tiger Woods is. If he's smart and he's learned his lesson, he's in a brothel, banging hookers. Yes, because hookers shut up. That's right. Not like sluts, sluts talk." -Christina Pazsitzky on Chelsea Lately
10/25-26: Christina Pazsitzky @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com

"There are packs of baboons running around Africa that take better care of themselves than we do. You know what health insurance is for me? I've got Band-Aids in my car." -Lewis Black
10/26: Lewis Black @ Pala Casino, palacasino.com

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