Comedy curator: Catlin Dorset
"Ain't no party like a no-panty party, 'cause a no panty party don't stop!"-Craig Robinson as himself in This is the End
9/3-5: Craig Robinson @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
"I love the male Workaholics fans, 'cause y'all crazy. Y'all love screaming my lines at me in public like, 'Montez, show me yo' d*ck!'"-Erik Griffin on The Half Hour
9/4-5: Erik Griffin @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com
"Yes, I am gay. Unlike most gay people, though, I did not come out of a closet. My name is Fortune...I came out of a cookie."-Fortune Feimster on The Half Hour
9/10-12: Fortune Feimster @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
"The average American spends one third of his life sleeping, and two thirds of his life untangling his ear buds."-Brian Regan on Twitter
9/11: Brian Regan @ SDSU's Open Air Theatre, as.sdsu.edu
"The FBI chief says Al Qaeda and ISIS are apples and oranges. Where does he get his fruit?"-Paula Poundstone on Twitter
9/11: Paula Poundstone @ Humphrey's Concerts by the Bay, humphreysconcerts.com
"I'll tell you what, though, you guys, every comedian appreciates you guys coming out for live shows, and I even more than other comedians. Because having two young kids at home... I'm looking for an excuse to get out of the house."-Maz Jobrani on I Come in Peace
9/17-19: Maz Jobrani @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
"When life throws you dick, you make dick-ade!"-Kevin Hart as Darnell Lewis in Get Hard
9/19: Kevin Hart @ SDSU's Viejas Arena, as.sdsu.edu
"I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind."-Adam Carolla on Twitter
9/20: Adam Carolla @ TheAmerican Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
"Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious."-Carlos Mencia on No Strings Attached
9/24: Carlos Mencia @ Sycuan Casino, sycuan.com
"[People in first class] look at you like, 'We get on the plane first and we get our drinks first.' I feel like going, 'You hit the mountain first, too, okay?'"-Todd Glass on Comedy Central Presents
9/24-26: Todd Glass @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
"I call [my wife]; she tells me my dog, Sluggo, just took a dump on the new carpet. I'm like, 'Shoot him.' She goes, 'That's just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you'rebeing sarcastic.' 'Alright, honey, I'm sorry. Put the dog on the phone, I'll talk to him.'-Ron White on Comedy Central Presents
9/25: Ron White @ Pechanga Resort &Casino, pechanga.com
"I love it when you're sick, and people tell you to go to Jamba Juice. You know, because a $48 Slurpee is good for you."-Andrew Norelli on Live at Gotham
9/25: Andrew Norelli @ Harrah's Resort SoCal, harrahssocal.com
"For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, 'Damn, that was good!'"-Wanda Sykes on Wanda Sykes: Tongue Untied
9/26: Wanda Sykes @ Pala Casino, palacasino.com
"A baby, if you really break it down logically, it is a tiny human being. And it's shirtless, which is really creepy. It's a shirtless, bald human being with a bag of its own crap around its waist."-Patton Oswalt on No Reason to Complain
9/26: Patton Oswalt @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org