By Catlin Dorset
"I am half Persian. I know what you're thinking, 'K-von, you don't seem Persian to me.' Well, guys, that's because I use cologne responsibly. Two sprays, not two bottles."
5/31-6/1: K-von @ The Comedy Palace, thecomedypalace.com
This half-Persian, half-Scottish comedian just finished filming his one-hour comedy special "K-von: Persian/American."
"I lost my virginity through anal sex, which a lot of people say means you're still a virgin. I think that means you were never a virgin to begin with. That's like saying, 'I've never been in a fist fight, but I did bomb a school." - Dan St. Germain
6/6-9: Dan St. Germain @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
This regular on VH1's Best Week Ever hosts his own podcast, "My Dumb Friends," and appeared in a 2012 Super Bowl commercial with Howard Stern.
"Toddlers are great. Toddlers are like having little drunk people in your house, 'cause they break stuff. They'll pee on your couch and not apologize." - Vargus Mason
6/7-8: Vargus Mason @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com
Dubbed "The Human Cartoon" for his array of animated movements and voices, Vargus Mason makes a point to travel abroad as often as he can to entertain the troops.
"It's amazing I'm married. Seriously, what girl growing up describes her ideal man, her prince charming as: 'Oh, my god. He's gonna be like 5'7", kinda chubby in the face, he's gonna have the pastiest skin in the entire world and he's going to have the biggest fire crotch ever!'?" - Brad Wollack
6/14-15: Brad Wollack @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
Brad Wollack is a regular fixture on Chelsea Lately's roundtable, probably not-at-all because he's also one of the executive producers of the show as well as the executive producer, co-creator and co-star of Chelsea Handler's other show, After Lately.
"Life is all about luck. It's about being in the right place at the right time; that's all it is. The best example of that has to be Angelina Jolie's Cambodian kid. Talk about being in the right orphanage, in the right Third World country, right when round-eye came walkin' through." - Sam Tripoli
6/14-15: Sam Tripoli @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com
Having made the move from doorman to comedian at The Comedy Store in L.A., this new york native hosts his own weekly web podcast, "The Naughty Show."
"I hate young people. I don't like anyone whose breasts are above her belt. It's that simple." - Joan Rivers on The Colbert Report
6/21: Joan Rivers @ Humphrey's Concerts by the Bay, humphreysconcerts.com
This Brooklyn-born insult queen currently hosts the E! network show Fashion Police and hawks her own line of jewelry on QVC.
"How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two And A Half Men." - Jon Lovitz on Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen
6/27: Jon Lovtiz @ Sycuan Casino, sycuan.com
Avoiding downtown so he doesn't have to see what came of his failed Jon Lovitz Comedy Club in the Gaslamp (now FLUXX), Lovitz will be the-opposite-of-triumphantly returning to San Diego to see how his brand of funny works on the outskirts of town.
"[Women] are the most illogical species I've ever met in my life. 'Cause I'm a man, and men are just simple: A, B, C, D. Every woman I've ever met: A, B, F, parenthesis, circle, yellow, sky, plane, car, bunny, kitten." - Christopher Titus 6/27-29: Christopher Titus @ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com
In the years following Titus, his 2000 FOX TV series about his dark and tumultuous past, this comedian went on to star in four Comedy Central specials and founded his own nonprofit, The Insight Youth Project, which benefits children from abusive households.
The local improv group at National Comedy Theatre (NCT) in Mission Hills now holds the honor of producing the longest-running comedy show in san Diego County history. on May 18, NCT performed show Number 3,823, nudging-out the previous record holder, Triple espresso, which had a 3,822-show stint when its doors closed at downtown's Horton Grand Theatre in 2008.
NCT founder and artistic director Gary Kramer says his show's 14-year run of nearly 4,000 performances "means we've either been doing something right, or nobody has noticed that we've been doing it wrong."
Every Thursday through Sunday, the 25-member cast puts on a 90-minute, completely unscripted show for audience members who call the shots by shouting suggestions at the players. nationalcomedy.com - C.D.