Laughing Stock

Comedy curator: Catlin Dorset

“Kim Kardashian is pregnant again. Her vagina is truly amazing. It has created two lives and her career.” -Brad Williams on Twitter
7/2: Brad Williams @ Observatory North Park, observatorysd.com

“Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick.” -Dana Carvey as Garth Algar in Wayne’s World
7/4: Dana Carvey @ San Diego County Fair, sdfair.com

“I’ve actually been trying to quit smoking weed, and it’s really hard, man, quitting pot. It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian - you know, quitting meat - ‘cause your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.” -Brian Posehn on Comedy Central Presents
7/8: Brian Posehn @ House of Blues, hob.com

“Do you ever fall asleep right after sex? I could never do that. If I fell asleep right after sex, the prostitute might take some of my sh!t.” -Doug Benson on Comedy Central Presents
7/8: Doug Benson @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“You don’t have to be gay to know [Ryan Gosling] is a gorgeous, sexy beast, and he’s everything we want to be. I am gay for Gosling. I don’t wanna f*ck him - that’s not enough.” -Pete Holmes on Nice Try, The Devil
7/9: Pete Holmes @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up like herself and act like a f*cking bitch all the time.” -Bo Burnham on Words, Words, Words
7/10: Bo Burnham @ Balboa Theatre, sandieogtheatres.org

“I have the greatest respect for [Latino] culture; I think you guys do it properly. You have your three or four kids and then you slow down so you can enjoy your late teens.” -Chris Hardwick on Mandroid
7/10-11: Chris Hardwick @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

“Batman has an impeccable moral compass. He’s clever and mysterious, and when f*cktards get sassy, he punches them in the face.” -Kevin Smith in Tough Sh*t: Life Advice from a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good
7/11: Kevin Smith @ House of Blues, hob.com

“When I first started telling people that I got married, a lot of people were surprised. They were like, “What? Oh, my god! I didn’t even - I thought you were a lesbian!” Surpriiise! Ponytail’s ‘cause I’m lazy, not ‘cause I’m a lesbian.” -Anjelah Johnson on Homecoming Show
7/12: Anjelah Johnson @ House of Blues, hob.com

“I like to stay even when I get messed up. Like, I just found out fish is brain food - it enhances your brain cells - and that’s good to know. ‘Cause, like, weed kills your brain cells. So if I eat some fish after every joint, I should be even again, right?” -Deon Cole on Comedy Central Presents
7/16-18: Deon Cole @ American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

“White people get in some crazy sh!t. Anna Nicole Smith has two dudes going to court claiming to be the father. That sh!t is crazy to Latinos. ‘I’m the father!’ ‘No, I’m the father!’ That sh!t will never happen to us.” -George Lopez on George Lopez: America’s Mexican
7/17: George Lopez @ Harrah’s Resort SoCal, harrahssocal.com

“Life is a little easier for attractive people. Can we admit that? Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice.’ But if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.’” -Jim Gaffigan on Comedy Central Presents
7/26: Jim Gaffigan @ Humphrey’s Concerts by the Bay, humphreysconcerts.com

“My main goals in life: to take more naps and figure out how to eat without having to take my Invisalign out. Who says blondes have more fun?” -Whitney Cummings on Twitter
7/30-8/1: Whitney Cummings @ The Comedy Store La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com