Laughing Stock: May comedy shows

April 27, 2018 12:13 PM PT

Comedians coming to San Diego during May include Bryan Callen, Tim Allen, Rick Ingraham and Paul Rodriguez.

5.3-6: Steve Treviño

“Sometimes I wish my wife would get hit by a truck. That’s a horrible thing to say, I know. It’s horrible. Sometimes I want out. Not all the time. Most of the time it’s good. But sometimes I want out. But I don’t get out. You know why I don’t get out? Cuz there’s another man waiting to sleep with her. And I could not imagine another man sleeping with my wife. So I stay in. I f**king stay in. So if my wife gets hit by a truck, problem solved.” — Steve Treviño on Relatable

@ The Comedy Store, thecomedystore.com/la-jolla

Steve Treviño. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

5.4-6: Nate Craig

“If anyone here designs Pilates studios, why you gotta make the windows so big? You trying to make me feel like predator?” — Nate Craig at Gotham Comedy Club

@ The Comedy Club at Pechanga, pechanga.com

5.10-12: Bryan Callen

“Martin Luther King never told a fart joke. I guarantee it. Nobody was laughing during his speeches. Maybe racists were, but that’s it.” — Bryan Callen at the DC Improv Comedy Club

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

Bryan Callen. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images for UCLA)

5.11-13: Adam Ray

“You guys watch the Oscars? I was bummed to not see Tom Hanks there. That’s my guy. I think arguably the greatest actor of all time. If they do a movie about Meryl Streep’s life, Tom Hanks will play Meryl Streep. I’m convinced of his skill set.” — Adam Ray on Platform

@ The Comedy Store, thecomedystore.com/la-jolla

Adam Ray. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

5.11-13: Matt McClowry

“I like kids, I just don’t like how people my age give their kids last names for first names. I have a friend who had three kids. She named them McKenna, Hunter and Finley. Those aren’t babies; that’s a law firm.” — Matt McClowry at Gotham Comedy Club

@ The Comedy Club at Pechanga, pechanga.com

5.16: Jimmy O. Yang

“Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all about animal rights. I’m all about free-range animals. But I still live in a one-bedroom apartment with two roommates. I’m not even a free-range human being, OK? I don’t need to eat a chicken that lived better than I do. The chicken’s on 20 acres in Napa; I’m in 200 square feet in Pacoima. That’s messed up.” — Jimmy O. Yang at the Laugh Factory

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

Jimmy O. Yang. (Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images)

5.17-19: Jay Chandrasekhar

“The most frustrated animal on a farm is a ghost cow. Because it’s invisible, right, it has one job. Its one job is to sneak up on the other cows and scare them, right? So it sneaks up on the other cows and it’s like ‘Boooooooo.’ And the other cows, they don’t hear that well, they’re like, ‘Yeah, yeah, moo.’ And the ghost cow’s like, ‘No, I said, Boo! It’s frustrating being a ghost cow.’ … Some of the jokes are just going to go that way.” — Jay Chandrasekhar on Just for Laughs

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

Jay Chandrasekhar. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

5.18: Tim Allen

“Women do their own particularly weird stuff. Watch a woman do a bikini wax. Boy, there’s something you’ll never see a man do. Hell, no. ‘Honey, I’m afraid that ball hair is going to sit right where it is.’ Even though, we’ll all agree that ball-area is pretty damn ugly. It’s like God had some elbow skin leftover.” — Tim Allen on Tim Allen Rewires America

@ Copley Symphony Hall, copleysymphonyhall.com

Tim Allen. (Photo by Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Clase Azul)

5.18-20: Rick Ingraham

“When white supremacists see an albino person do they think ‘lucky bastard?’” — Rick Ingraham on Twitter

@ The Comedy Store, thecomedystore.com/la-jolla

5.19: Paul Rodriguez

“Trump says, ‘I’m gonna make the Mexicans build the wall.’ Yeah, big deal. We’re the only ones in construction. Of course we’re going to build that wall.” — Paul Rodriguez on Paul Rodriguez: The Here and Wow

@ Sycuan Live & Up Close, sycuan.com