Laughing stock: January comedy shows

Funny people headed to San Diego this month include Tom Segura, Sinbad and Iliza Shlesinger.

1.3-5 Sam Morril  

“What do you even ask on these first dates now? ‘What kind of music do you like?’ Who cares. This is my new first date question: How likely are you to yell at me in public? That one’s going to come in handy. I don’t want to be in that relationship, and eight months in she’s screaming at me in front of strangers. I’m like, ‘It’s cool. We both like Chance the Rapper.’” — Sam Morril on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

1.10: Stand Up Science! with Shane Mauss 

“I had this great idea the other day — I’m gonna be rich. There’s more to it than that. It’s basically for a bumper sticker, and it just says on it, ‘I am a child molester.’ I’m gonna sell a lot of those. No? Oh, you know what, maybe I should explain. Sorry. You don’t put it on your car. That would be stupid.” — Shane Mauss on at the Boston Alternative Comedy Festival

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

1.11, 12: Shawn Wayans

“Donald Trump is white Kanye West. He’s always saying something to make you go, 'What!? What is wrong with you!?’” — Shawn Wayans on Power 106 Los Angeles

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

1.11, 12: Tom Segura 

“By the way, is there any more satisfying feeling than letting an elevator door close on somebody? I did it at the hotel earlier. I got such a warm rush through my body. It felt like the inside of my body hugged the outside of my body, you know?” — Tom Segura on Disgraceful

@ The Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

1.17: Sinbad

“Even if you look good, ’ cause women at 40, 50, and 60, y’all workin’ out and lookin’ good, but you can’t wear them pants that say ‘Juicy.’ Stop that. You 60 years old. Take them pants off and give ’ em back to your grandchild.” — Sinbad on Where U Been

@ Sycuan Casino, sycuan.com

1.17-19: Pablo Francisco 

“The reason they call it ‘soft porn’ is because it doesn’t get you hard. They’re straining so much from the waist down, it doesn’t even look like they’re having sex. It looks like they’re moving furniture.” — Pablo Francisco on Bits & Pieces

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

1.18: Iliza Shlesinger  

“Push-up bra. That’s what we do for you gentlemen. You have no idea of the sacrifices. Push-up bra. Not a woman in here wears a push-up bra when she’s at home with the flu. No one walking around, like, ‘I just like it when my nipples are near my tongue. It’s just safer that way.’” — Iliza Shlesinger on Elder Millennial

@ The Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

1.19: Louie Anderson 

“I just got back from Vermont. It’s beautiful there, huh? It’s nice to stay in a hotel where you can hunt from the window.” — Louis Anderson on Late Night with Seth Meyers

@ The Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org

1.19: Brendan Schaub

(live filming of Showtime comedy special)

“God, I’m a f**kboy. I own it though, man. So weird. The thing is, it wasn’t like, one day I was like, oh, f**king, let me just wake up, dress like an asshole and get this f**ckin’ Hitler haircut. I would never do that.” — Brendan Schaub on Getting Down with Big Brown  

@ Spreckels Theatre, tfatk.com

1.24-26: The Sklar Brothers

“Our parents would never let us watch Hee Haw when we were kids. Not because it was too risqué, but because they didn't like comedy popping up out of corn fields. They felt that should only be reserved for dead baseball players.” — The Sklar Brothers on Twitter

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

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