A Rivers Runs Through It

By Alyson Baker
Photos courtesy of San Diego Theatres

(Published in the January 2011 issue)

In support of her upcoming January 15 performance at the Gaslamp’s Balboa Theatre, comedian extraordinaire Joan Rivers agreed to a telephone interview with PacificSD. To be honest, we were kinda surprised she took the call. Out of respect for Ms. River’s precious time, we asked only the important questions.

Q: If you could spend only $10,000 more on plastic surgery for the rest of your life, what work would you have done?

A: Oh, I think for a woman my age, it’s all about the jawline. I think it’s very important. And for $10,000, you wouldn’t get anything. You might get half a jawline. Especially men-nobody wants to see turkey necks. They’re so unpleasant looking.

Q: The new crop of Disney celebs is already heading to rehab or worse. What do you think about that?

A: I think it’s terribly, terribly sad. The more you hear about Lindsay Lohan , the sorrier you are for her, because you hear about the background and the home environment, and you go, “No wonder.” I think rehab’s the safest place for that poor girl.

“If you don’t enjoy the good times, you’re an idiot. Nothing stays forever and nothing lasts forever. And if it’s a good time today, enjoy it today, because you don’t know what the hell is going to hit you tomorrow. Really, really live with that. I know when it’s a good moment in my life, and boy, oh boy, do I appreciate it.”

Q: It seems that Hollywood is full of back-stabbers. Have you ever sought revenge against anyone who wronged you during your rise to fame?

A: I can’t hold a grudge. I think that’s because my life is such a lucky life. You’ll meet somebody who was a real son of a bitch to you five years ago, and you go, “Ah, look what’s happened to me since. F#ck you.” It’s easy to move forward when things are good.

Q: And when times are bad?

A: When times are bad, you should be so busy digging yourself out. Don’t waste the energy.

Q: Speaking of busy, you do everything from acting to jewelry design to being the Celebrity

Apprentice to stand-up. What aspect of your career do you enjoy the most?

A: I’m like a whore and I like whatever I’m doing. I just love the business.

Q: What can San Diegans expect from your upcoming show here?

A: First of all, every gay man in San Diego better show up! That’s number one, because they’re the best audience in the world. So, they should expect an awful lot of gay men. And, they should expect just having fun and telling the truth. It isn’t going be going down memory lane, ‘cause I couldn’t give a sh!t about memory lane.

An Evening With Joan Rivers

Saturday , January 15 • Tickets : $28 - $88
Balboa Theatre , 868 4th Avenue , Gaslamp, 619.570.1100,

sandiegotheatres .org