Why you can’t find and keep a man

Stock photo of a troubled woman.
(fizkes - (courtesy of Black & Magazine))

Relationship strategist says there are three reasons why daters can’t seem to find and keep a man


Hey family! Marshaun Olaniyan here, your favorite life and relationship strategist.

I help single women figure out the tools and strategies needed in order to attract and keep the man she wants.


Uh yes.

Dating can be tough even for the most seasoned dater. When I was dating, every time I went on a date, I would hope that this guy was my last first date.

Can you relate?

I can remember preparing for these dates as if they were yesterday. The potential suitor and I would chat via an online site for about 2 to 3 days, then exchange numbers and continue chatting or calling one another for 1 to 2 weeks all throughout the day.

Next, we would set up a date and time to meet one another, and because I am a romantic at heart, I would secretly hope that this was it for me. No more first awkward dates. No more catfishing. No more feeling lonely. This potential suitor would snatch me off the market and I would be claimed as his to the world. He would not only choose me; he would adore me and treat me like a queen.

Most of this was a fantasy because I had no idea what I was doing. I did not know how I should show up. I did not know the rules of dating. I had no idea what questions I should be asking, and I never thought about setting a standard based off of what I wanted and/or needed. I had no clear direction.

Sound familiar?

Because of this I feel compelled to give you the secret sauce. What is the secret sauce, you ask? Well, this secret sauce is what I wished someone would have told me when I was on the dating scene. This secret sauce could have saved me many nights from tossing and turning in my bed. This secret sauce made all the difference in attracting and keeping my husband.

There are three reasons why you cannot find and keep a man. Keep reading!

The first reason why you cannot find and keep a man is because you have not taken care of your baggage. You have not released the stuff that you have been carrying around with you for years and years as well as from relationship to relationship. You have not taken the time to stop dating, evaluate why you two broke up and figure out what you can improve on to make you a better person and dater. You only have one goal in mind, which is to be swept off your feet and out of the market for good. Just as I did years ago you have continued to hope things would get better the next time around with the next man. You keep dating and not taking care of yourself.

You decide to stay on this hamster wheel of frustration hoping and wishing this next guy will be the perfect one to see your beauty, inside and outside, and show you the world, moon and the stars. You are constantly hoping this time things will be different.

The question is: Are you different?

You are dealing with the effects of all that extra weight on your shoulders, your back, your butt and your arms. You have got baggage everywhere! This baggage will continue to bog you down if you never take the time to care for yourself and, especially, if you never take the time to figure out the why’s.

Why can’t I keep a man?

Why can’t I find a great catch?

Why are the guys I attract all cut from the same cloth?

Why do all men cheat on me?

Why don’t any of these men treat me like the queen I deserve to be treated as?

A lot of that has to do with you, sis!

Yes! I know you think that it is him, but it is actually you. The person, people, and guys you keep attracting are a big reflection on the things you think about, the way that you really view yourself and even what you secretly believe you deserve. Even when you say things out loud, you say things like, “I deserve . . .,” “I am supposed to get all of this stuff.” Secretly, deep down inside, you do not believe you are worthy enough to attract and keep the type of guy you verbally express you wished was in your life.

This baggage is holding you back. All those why questions you keep avoiding, is what is holding you back. You not taking the time to evaluate each relationship you have ever been in, is what is holding you back. These relationships include your siblings as well as your parents or guardians. All those previous and current relationships helped shape you into the woman you are today.

If you are reading as a man, it is the exact same thing for you. Every single part of your life comes from the relationships that you have been a part of, whether healthy or toxic. Sibling relationships, parental relationships, friendships, all these relationships combined help shape who you are attracting and have lying next to you in the bed. BOTTOM LINE take care of your baggage.

Find out the other two reasons you cannot find and keep a man on the Black & website