"Just so you guys know, if you're ever babysitting a kid and you're playing hide-and-seek with them and you pass out while you're hiding... the kids get scared." -Sarah Colonna
9/5-7: Sarah Colonna @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com
This Chelsea Lately regular's 2012 book, Life As I Blow It, was a New York Times best-seller.
"How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they've revealed they've got a boyfriend?" -Russell Brand in Get Him to the Greek
9/6: Russell Brand @ Balboa Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org
The Get Him to the Greek star and ex Mr. Katy Perry just finished filming Paradise, a new comedy in which he plays a plane crash survivor alongside Julianne Hough.
"If you're 30 years old and you're like, 'Man, I love hookers,' the next thought shouldn't be, 'Politics is for me.'" -Jeff Garlin
9/6-7: Jeff Garlin @ The Comedy Store, La Jolla, lajolla.thecomedystore.com
Best known for his role on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, this funnyman provided voiceovers for Disney Pixar flicks WALL-E, Toy Story 3 and Cars 2.
"I've got one small criticism and it's probably only something a professional like me would notice. But Conan, you look awful. You look like someone put a bright red fright wig on a skeleton. And chucked it out of a helicopter." -Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy on Conan.
9/7: Will Ferrell and friends @ Civic Theatre, sandiegotheatres.org
The legendary Anchorman and Funnyordie.com founder swings through town with comedians Jack Black, Ed Helms, Nick Kroll and more.
"A little while ago I was at the airport and I had a beard going because I was doing a part, and... you don't want to be from the Middle East and have a beard and be at the airport. It's just not a good idea." -Maz Jobrani on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
9/13-15: Maz Jobrani @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com
One of the four headliners of the The Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian comedian Maz Jobrani released his Showtime special, I Come in Peace, earlier this year.
"We got Chinatowns everywhere: New York Chinatown, L.A. Chinatown. I was in China hoping to find an Americatown - just a bunch of fat, white people dipping food in ranch dressing, looking for free Wi-Fi all day." -Steve Byrne
9/19-22: Steve Byrne @ Mad House Comedy Club, madhousecomedyclub.com
Following his 2006 win of the Myspace Standup or Sitdown Comedy Challenge, this half-Korean, half-Irish humorist acted in several films and currently stars in TBS' Sullivan & Son.
"When it rains really hard, I like to run stop signs just to make cops get out of their cars. Make them stand there in the rain in a big puddle. 'Alright you, know why I stopped you?' 'Yeah, know why I ran the sign?'" -Drew Carey
9/21: Drew Carey @ Sycuan Live & Up Close, sycuan.com
Currently hosting CBS' The Price is Right, the slimmed-down Drew Carey has come a long way since his role as a taxi passenger in 1993's Coneheads.
"Got an offer to do my next special in 3D. Sounds cool but do you really want me coming into your house?" -Gabriel Iglesias
9/21-22: Gabriel Iglesias @ Pala Casino, palacasino.com
This fluffier-than-life comedian did voiceover work for the new Disney movie, Planes, alongside Dane Cook and Brad Garrett.
"I have this rule: I can't smoke pot with anyone who didn't grow up watching Duck Tales. That's just one of my rules about smoking weed. It's a good rule." -Adam Ray
9/26-29: Adam Ray @ The American Comedy Company, americancomedyco.com
Known for his video uploads to Funnyordie.com, Adam Ray has garnered more than six million views of his "Kermit the Frog reacts to '2 Girls One Cup'" clip.
"Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. Could be their life long dream and every time they ask for a pamphlet, all hell breaks loose." -Brian Regan
9/27-28: Brian Regan @ Pechanga Resort & Casino, pechanga.com
A regular on the Late Show with David Letterman , Brian Regan still tops the iTunes comedy charts with his 1997 CD, "Brian Regan Live."