What's Your Number

Field research by Jessica LaFontaine / Photos by Paul Body

If asking people for their phone numbers poses an emotional risk, then asking them how many people they've slept with poses real danger... which is why we sent an intern to do it.

From Duck Dive in Pacific Beach to Uptown Tavern in Hillcrest to Union Kitchen and Tap in Encinitas , here are several bold San Diegans making the next sexual revelation a certainty.

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Elle S., 29, Hillcrest
Occupation? Professional sales in technology.
What's your number?

Seven.


Age when you lost your virginity? Twenty.
What makes someone sexy? If they want to get to know me.
What's the sexiest thing about you? I just love everybody.
What are you hoping to try? Random sex out of a relationship. I've never had sex out of a relationship.
What won't you try? A man.

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Nathaniel S., 26, Mission Beach
Occupation? I own an advertising company.
What's your number?

Four.

Age when you lost your virginity? Sixteen.
What makes someone sexy? [Points to his head] Their mind.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My hips don't lie. I do like my hips.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Six-point-five.
What are you hoping to try? Hot tub.
What won't you try? A threesome with another guy.

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Norae S., 23, SDSU area
Occupation? Promotions.
What's your number?

I don't know.

Age when you lost your virginity? Seventeen.
What makes someone sexy? Their attitude and personality.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My confidence and smile.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Twelve.
What are you hoping to try? A threesome.
What won't you try? I'm open to a lot, just nothing too freaky.

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Josh M., 23, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Occupation? I'm a musician at a homeless shelter.
What's your number?

Four.

Age when you lost your virginity? Nineteen.
What makes someone sexy? If they're really into me and if they're funny.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My sense of humor.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Seven-point-five.
What are you hoping to try? I really want to have sex on the beach. We don't really have beaches in Minnesota.
What won't you try? Nothing. Well, no guys.

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Kari C., 24, Encinitas
Occupation? Hairdresser.
What's your number?

Approximately twenty-five.

Age when you lost your virginity? Seventeen.
What makes someone sexy? Being witty, funny, if they have a good sense of humor.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My attitude.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Seven-point-eight.
What are you hoping to try? Role-play.
What won't you try? It depends on the person.

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Brett W., 24, National City
Occupation? Navy mechanic.
What's your number?

Zero.

Age when you lost your virginity? N/A
What makes someone sexy? Eyes, smile and legs, for me.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My eyes.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Eight-point-five.
What are you hoping to try? Anything and everything.
What won't you try? No guys, absolutely not.

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Megan K., 21, Berkeley, CA
Occupation? Student.
What's your number?

Thirteen.

Age when you lost your virginity? Seventeen.
What makes someone sexy? If they are passionate and compassionate. Giving is sexy.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My mind and my soul.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Ten.
What are you hoping to try? Anal sex and more group sex.
What won't you try? Anything that's disrespectful or anything with animals.

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Megan H., 21, Pacific Beach
Occupation? Student, server at Beachwood.
What's your number?

Less than 20.

Age when you lost your virginity? Sixteen.
What makes someone sexy? I love veins.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My boobs.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. That's awkward.

What are you hoping to try? No answer
What won't you try? Anal.

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Seth F., 30, Clairemont
Occupation? Cook.
What's your number?

I don't know.

Age when you lost your virginity? Seventeen.
What makes someone sexy? Their face.
What's the sexiest thing about you? My smile.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Seven.
What won't you try? I don't really want things in my butt.

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Nick H., 32, Rancho Penasquitos
Occupation? IT systems analyst.
What's your number?

Eighteen.

Age when you lost your virginity? Seventeen, I think.
What makes someone sexy? Personality, how they carry themselves.
What's the sexiest thing about you? People tell me it's my eyes and personality.
Rate your sex appeal from one to 10. Eight.
What are you hoping to try? Maybe three girls at the same time.
What won't you try? I don't like anal.

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Angela M., 27, La Mesa
What's the sexiest thing about you? My curves.

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Sexpert Advice

The doctor is in (and out, and then in again)
By Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD

How can I be better in bed?
People often ask me this question, wanting a secret technique to give their partner more pleasure. I advise them that the best way to become a better lover is to approach sex as a holistic experience. Fortunately, if you're interested in expanding your sexual horizons, San Diego has plenty to offer. The only requirements are curiosity and the courage to explore.

Whether exploring the mental, physical, emotional, social, or spiritual sides of sex, it takes courage to step outside your comfort zone. As San Diego sexual spiritualist Shawn Roop says, "Sex is a natural act that can enlighten, awaken and open the body and soul, and quiet the mind."

Mental
Sex Ed in school might have been uninspiring, but sex classes available in San Diego will make you want homework. Sexologist Dr. Sayaka Adachi teaches workshops at Déjà Vu Love Boutique in Vista and private home parties. She says classes like "Blow Him Away!" and "The Amazing World of Female Orgasm" are popular because they "teach the nitty-gritty of fun and easy techniques to pleasure a partner, while expanding knowledge of themselves and their partner."

Dr. Adachi says that in the sexual realm, like everywhere else, knowledge is power. When asked what people incorrectly think they know about sex, she says with a laugh, "How big the clitoris is, let alone where it is."

At Pleasures & Treasures Boutique in North Park, sex educator Alex West Moreau teaches a range of classes on improving sex and BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism).

"The most challenging thing for people to grasp in my classes is that it's simply ok for them to want to explore their sexuality," Moreau says. "Permission to explore is rarely given to oneself."

While classes on BDSM may feel too risky for some, Moreau promises a "safe and secure environment for the public to learn how to explore deeper levels of themselves and connect more deeply with their partners."
pleasuresandtreasures.biz
drsayaka.com/Classes.html

Physical
If you think that sex-toy stores have sketchy staff and offensive product packaging, then you need to visit a local gem, The Rubber Rose, in East Village. According to owner Lea Caughlan, the store is "simple and classy, with a carefully curated selection of bodysafe products, presented in a nonjudgmental, gender- and sexuality-neutral context, run by sex educators."

The Rubber Rose commits to carrying only "skin-safe and nontoxic" products. As to the physical benefits of toys, Caughlan says, "Our bodies are physically invigorated when we orgasm." For individuals who need greater stimulation intensity, or have experienced changes due to aging, illness or trauma, "Using toys can create a bridge and allow us to learn our bodies," Caughlan says. "Toys can also create new dialogue between partners communicating new or different levels of desire and using the toys to play out fantasies."

Beyond toys, learning how to move your body in new ways can build confidence and entice your partner. Pole dancing classes offer a sensual experience and heightened body awareness.

"Exercise makes you stronger, healthier and more confident, and those all make sex, and everything else in your life, better," says Marie Davidson, owner of Fun Pole Fitness in North Park.
therubberrose.com
funpolefitness.com 

Emotional
February brings local performances of the award-winning play The Vagina Monologues, including at San Diego State University. The play promises to elicit from audiences a rollercoaster of emotional reactions: sadness, thoughtfulness, shock, amusement and a lot of laughter. Attending this show can be a healing experience for audience members.

"When we discuss such topics openly, we eliminate the sense of shame that too frequently surrounds them, and instead foster a sense of empowerment," says Sharlene Castle, producer of the SDSU show. "We want women in the audience to feel proud of their vaginas and sexuality. We want men to understand and empathize with the female experience, and we want everyone to feel outraged about the injustices women continue to face - and then do something to change it."
vdaysdsu.givezooks.com

Social
Sex may be considered a private experience for many, but Kamala Devi, a Pacific Beach resident and sex coach, hosts monthly Tantra Talks, Poly Potlucks and Sacred Snuggle Parties.

"The first two are meet-and-greets for people interested in exploring new paradigms of connection, either by going beyond monogamy or making sexuality more spiritual," says Devi, a star of the Showtime series Polyamory: Married & Dating. "The Sacred Snuggle parties are more like laboratories to express your boundaries and desires for touch, intimacy and sensuality."

For beginners, these sexual-social environments might feel intimidating, so Devi emphasizes safety. "We give a warm welcome to newcomers and discuss social agreements such as consent, confidentiality and celebrating diversity," she says. "People are welcome to come and watch and learn; they don't even have to speak."
kamaladevi.com

Spiritual
The spiritual component of sex explores being present in the moment. Golden Hill resident Shawn Roop, who teaches spiritual workshops, says U.S. culture is missing "a personal sacred sense of sex. Fantasy, escapism and shame have ripped the grace and beauty sex offers each of us."

Roop addresses this missing piece by teaching that "men and women have different ways they approach sex. I empower women to understand how to have sex that meets their needs beyond just the physical act. I share with men how to engage sex from a more vulnerable place." tantraquest.com

Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist, sexuality speaker and couples workshop facilitator. She challenges people to think about sexuality outside the box in her YouTube video series, "In the Den with Dr. Jenn." Find her on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn at DrJennsDen, as well as on her website DrJennsDen.com.

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