Dry Sense of Humor

In a March 12 LA Times Op-Ed titled “California has about one year of water left. Will you ration now?” Jay Famiglietti wrote:

We’re not just up a creek without a paddle in California, we’re losing the creek too.

Pretty bleak, huh? Plus, the company that owns the LA Times just bought the San Diego Union-Tribune, so they’re holding all the paddles anyway. (And apparently hoarding punctuation - they skipped the comma between “creek” and “too.”)

Luckily, America’s Finest City is also the nation’s most resilient. We’re so drought tolerant, we specialize in draught beers, which is all we’ll be able to drink when the water’s gone - well, that and the Arrowhead stockpiles at Costco. Kidding, as if anyone would actually ingest that swill.

Looking on the bright side has never been easier. Now that the atmosphere is burning off, it’s bright all the time. So let’s throw on some shades, soak in some rays and look for the silver linings all around us.

So April showers didn’t bring May flowers this year, but now you can feel good about saving water by showering with a friend... or your wife... or maybe your wife’s friend. Whatever it takes, just keep smiling - which is easy to do when your top lip is sticking to your teeth because you’re so dehydrated.

And what about SeaWorld? Those guys have been having a whale of a time trying to right their PR ship, but a drought might actually do them some good. When their big tanks begin to evaporate out of control, if they could just capture the water coming from Shamu’s tears... oh, wait, those are probably salty. My bad. The Blackfish documentary has them in hot water, not too much water.

Here’s better news. The City’s “Waste No Water” mandatory residential irrigation restrictions got you down? Don’t sweat it - soon there won’t be enough water in your body to sweat, anyway. Solution: plant a cactus, let your lawn die and pick up some fresh grass at the corner dispensary. Why buy weed killer when there’s killer weed right down the street?

That would be like taking sand to the beach (which we may actually have to do if the ocean level keeps rising).

Please enjoy this beach-focused issue of PacificSD while you still can, dear Reader. Get out there and make splash... before we all have to move to Arizona to water our lawns.

David Perloff, Editor-in-Chief