Hire Learning

By David Perloff

Julieanne is a new marketing intern at PacificSD. She helps coordinate events and is part of the promo team that spreads cheer throughout county from the back of a Kearny Mesa Fiat 500. (Wait, that sounded weird.)

Joey used to sell factory time and services to the action sports industry, helping companies get their t-shirts printed, shorts manufactured, that kind of thing. Now, he’s applying for an advertising sales position at PacificSD.

These two blind daters met for the first time less than an hour ago in the limo that’s about to drop time at The Office - not the magazine’s office, the bar in North Park. PacificSD’s office would be fine, but our insurance policy doesn’t cover heartbreak, and we don’t have enough food or alcohol (left) for a blind date.

Before he-J and she-J arrive, let’s review the pre-date interviews.

Why do you want to work for PacificSD?
JULIEANNE: I really love everyone who works in the office, and we have some of the coolest events in San Diego.
JOEY: I want to work for PacificSD because of their involvement in the community and the fun style they portray.

What’s the best job you’ve had?
JULIEANNE: I was the director of statewide affairs on-campus at UCSD, and it allowed me to make amazing connections with incoming students as well as different groups of people all throughout California.
JOEY: Doing product development for action sports brands like Quiksilver and Roxy because I got to stay ahead of the curve and see the new clothing trends years in advance.

What are you looking for in a date, physically and/or otherwise?
JULIEANNE: Physically, he has to be tall, because I’m 5'7" and I like wearing my heels. Athletic, but not too buff, because I’m sort of little, but I have a thing for arms and a nice smile. But, more importantly, someone who has a good sense of humor.
JOEY: Physically, I’m looking for someone who is athletic and in good shape. I’m not picky, but I tend to be more attracted to brunettes than blondes, but I don’t discriminate. I’m also looking for someone who would much rather be outdoors doing something rather than sitting on the couch and keeping up with the Kardashians, even though that’s a pretty damn good show.

What is the sexiest thing about you?
JULIEANNE: Physically, I’d say my eyes and legs. But I think the fact that I can be really silly and not worry about looking weird or looking ugly is a pretty sexy quality, too.
JOEY: I’d have to say my sense of humor, even though no one’s ever told me I have a sexy sense of humor. They’re probably just to embarrassed to say it, but I know what they’re thinking.

What do you like least about yourself?
JULIEANNE: I tend to over-think about things.
JOEY: My lack of dancing ability.

What’s your sign, religion or spiritual belief system, if any?
JULIEANNE: My zodiac sign is Leo, and I am Catholic.
JOEY: I’m a Scorpio and Catholic.

Fill in the blanks: In general, the people I date are “blank” and “blank.”
JULIEANNE: Funny and spontaneous.
JOEY: Sweet and a little high-maintenance.

What’s the best thing that could happen during the date?
JULIEANNE: We click, actually have great conversations, and we laugh all night.
JOEY: We have so much fun together that, after last call, in San Diego, we jump a flight to Vegas and keep the party going there.

Thank you, The Office!
3936 30th St., North Park

Getting Lei’d

What to do after drinks at The Office

Joey and Julieanne are laughing as they arrive at The Office and sit at the bar. They seem to be getting along so well, the bartender doesn’t believe they just met and asks how she can sign up for a blind date.

After about an hour, the couple jumps back in the limo and heads to dinner at the redesigned Lei Lounge in University Heights, where the bar now sports a huge video wall, dining cabanas have become open lounge areas with fire pits, and moving images are projected on soaring outdoor screens.

The daters have drinks at the bar, then order food at the table. Once they’ve had a chance to enjoy their appetizers, they’re split for mid-date debriefings.

PacificSD: How’s it going so far?
JULIEANNE: It’s very good. He’s very funny, very engaging and he has a lot to say. I feel like we’re the same people; he’s just a man and I’m a girl. We’re very outgoing.
JOEY: It’s going great. She’s a lot of fun. She’s kind of like the female version of me. I’m having a good time with her.

What were your first impressions?
JULIEANNE: He’s cute.
JOEY: My first impression was she’s super cute. She’s very nice and she’s fun.

How was the Office and what did you drink there?
JULIEANNE: The Office was pretty chill. I liked it a lot. I had this cocktail called Brown Bunny and another one called the Whistle Blower. We also took a shot of Don Julio, which was pretty interesting, because we had it with a lime dipped in cinnamon.
JOEY: The Office was fun. And the drinks were good and on the strong side, which is a good thing. I had two Jameson and ginger cocktails, and we had a signature shot called a Churro.

Is this the type of person you would date normally?
JULIEANNE: No, I usually date black guys...but he’s pretty cool. I wouldn’t mind dating him regularly.
JOEY: She’s a little bit on the younger side of the girls I would normally date, but for her I would make an exception. She’s very mature for her age.

What’s the most attractive thing your date has done so far?
JULIEANNE: Just the fact that he’s very open-minded and that he’s very funny.
JOEY: She’s been telling jokes left and right. My jokes, she’s been laughing at, and she’s been coming back with her own, which is super attractive.

Rate your date on a scale from 1-10 in terms of looks.

Rate your date on a scale of 1-10 in terms of personality.
JOEY: Ten.

Would you kiss your date now if you could?
JULIEANNE: Maybe later.
JOEY: I would definitely kiss her.

Does your date want to kiss you?
JULIEANNE: Maybe, because he licked his lips, and I think that’s a good sign of wanting to kiss me.
JOEY: I would say probably yeah.

Which would you choose between getting a job at PacificSD and having sex with your date?
JULIEANNE: I think I’d have to go with the job, because sex is so easy. As a woman I can just get sex whenever, but a job is more meaningful to me at this time.
JOEY: I would say getting a job at the magazine, only because we would work together and we’d eventually probably do it anyway.

Thank you, Lei Lounge!
4622 Park Blvd., University Heights

Risky Business

Trying no to blow the job

As their entrees arrive, Julieanne and Joey are finally left alone to enjoy their evening in privacy. The PacificSD crew calls the next morning to see what we missed.

How was Lei Lounge?
JULIEANNE: The ambiance was nice, and I really liked the lighting and how the seating was arranged. We had a Patrón shot right when we got inside, and then I had another cocktail. We also had sushi, short ribs, calamari and ahi poke to share. The food was yummy.
JOEY: Right when we walked in, I could tell it was going to be a fun place by the music playing and the amount of people that were there. We started off with shots of Patrón, than I had two Jameson and gingers at the table. For dinner we ordered four different dishes and decided to split them all. Everything was excellent.

What happened after the magazine crew left?
JULIEANNE: We decided to take the limo to Eden in Hillcrest and met up with some of Joey’s friends. We took a cab home around midnight.
JOEY: The limo took us to meet up with a couple friends of mine who were out in Hillcrest, and somehow we all ended up at Eden. We had another drink there and danced a little before calling it a night around 1 a.m.

Was there a kiss?
JULIEANNE: Funny story - I had dared Joey to go up and dance with one of the dancers on the stage. He didn’t want to do it at first, but then he said, “If you give me a kiss, I’ll do it.” He ended up going up on the little stage for a second, so there was a kiss, because he did what he said he would, and I’m all about my word.
JOEY: There was a kiss at the end the night in the taxi ride home, but nothing too hot and heavy.

Will there be a second date?
JULIEANNE: Dates are supposed to be fun little adventures, and I think that’s just what it was. It also helped that he was a pretty cool dude and had a sense of humor, so why not?
JOEY: I would go out with her again. I had a great time on the first date, so I feel like we could have just as much fun if not more fun on a second.

What’s the first thing you’d say if you ran into your date at the office?
JULIEANNE: I would say, “Oh, hey! Long time, no see. What was your name again?”
JOEY: I would probably say something dumb like, “Hey, I had a lot of fun on our date. Sorry for dancing on the stage at a gay bar.”

AFTERMATCH: In his pre-date interview, Joey said he dislikes his “lack of dancing ability,” but he ended up on a go-go box in Hillcrest. Talk about taking one for the team (or at least working pretty hard for a kiss). As for, Julieanne, her resume is enhanced by the fact that, compared to sex, “a job is more meaningful to me at this time.”

Only problem is, PacificSD filled all open positions two weeks ago. Sorry, guys - tough job market these days, you know?

Just kidding. Julieanne’s been doing a great job, and Joey already started selling ads. Looking to save some money on a campaign? Tell him you’ll buy a full-page for half-price if he takes his shirt off and jumps up on a go-go box. (Yes, Joey, we know about the shirt - we have spies everywhere.)


“You’re both fired, and I’m proud of myself for making the right decision, again.” - Donald Trump

“That thing on your head looks like it died, Donald.” - Joan Rivers

“This is my real hair, Joan.” - Donald Trump

“That’s what I said.” - Chaz Bono

“You’re all idiots. I’d hire or party with either of the daters.” - Charlie Sheen

“Well, speaking as the magazine expert, where’s my drink, Sweetie?” - Hugh Hefner

“You better not be talking to me, Hef.” - Chaz Bono

“I second that thing she said about black guys.” - Lisa Lampanelli

“All of you, get out of my office.” - Donald Trump