Ah, the joys of brunch. Breakfast food eaten in the light of the afternoon, paired with cocktails and the lackadaisical luxury of having absolutely zero weekend responsibilities. It’s hard not to love this two-meal innovation - and that’s why every brunch restaurant is booked with tables seating a diverse range of personalities.
Not all people brunch the same. What you decide to order from a typical brunch menu actually reveals a lot more about your personality than you might think. According to the divine wisdom of brunch food, here’s what your go-to order says about you.
An Omelette or Frittata
You crave reliability and you hate change. You know that the cheesy, stuffed fold of an omelette will satisfy; you don’t much care about the food’s intrigue or aesthetic value. You arrived for a brunch and a brunch is what you shall get. Anxiety, avoided.
Who pays $14 for some mushed avocado on a slice of mediocre toast?! People who are there to snap photos. You brunch for the Insta, not for your taste buds. Enjoy your bland slice of whole grains while your companions gorge on cheesy, yolk-covered goodness. You’ll get more likes, but will you like it?
Bagel and Lox
You either live in New York City or need to move there ASAP. These best bagels from outside of New York might seem like a good replacement, but nothing - nothing - compares to a New York City bagel. Capers and onions included, obviously.
You’re there to party. A drip of egg yolk pouring over a juicy burger patty, all topped with bacon and other brunch delicacies... You’re drooling just thinking about it, and you can’t wait to let the greasy brioche bun soak up all the booze you plan to drink.
You’re super likable, but basic.
You live for the thrill. You’re not afraid of a little spice and you hate being bored. You’re also probably insanely outgoing and will be reaching across the table for hot sauce amidst jokes tossed at your friends.
Pancakes, Waffles, or French Toast
You’re young at heart and like to have fun. You also don’t give a damn about nutrition or eating like an adult, which is really respectable in today’s day and age. Good for you. Everyone at the table loves you, and they’ll all be feeling really genuinely happy for you as you pour maple syrup on your sugar-soaked plate.
The Basic Breakfast
You’re not much of a foodie. When it comes to food, you know what you like and you like to know what you’re getting into. When you eat out at a restaurant, sustenance is what you’re looking for - not the photo, not the tasting notes, just plain old fashioned food.
The Innovative Order
Do they offer an exotic eggs benedict or a truffle-coated breakfast pizza? You are here. For. It.
You are a brunch aficionado. You don’t just brunch. You brunch. Regularly. And as a seasoned bruncher, you do find basic orders of eggs sunny side and chocolate chip pancakes delicious, but blasé. When you spot something interesting on the menu, you order it for the experience. Even if it’s sub-bar, you know you’ll brunch again soon. It’s worth the risk, for the sake of the thrill.
The Kale Salad
You are the biggest buzzkill at your table. Every brunch menu has one and every brunch table has that one misguided diner who orders it. Before you order that salad, ask: Do I hate myself?
Sure, a crunchy kale salad could serve for a nice lunch on an average day. But this is a meal meant to span two meals. Some lettuce is not going to cut it - especially if you plan on indulging in those delightful brunch cocktails.
And you’re going to want to indulge. When there are over 17 different variations of Bloody Marys to try, you don’t want to miss out.
Holly Van Hare is the Healthy Eating Editor at The Daily Meal with a passion for podcasting and peanut butter. You can listen to her podcast Nut Butter Radio on iTunes and follower her health food Instagram @eating_peanut_better.
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