Laughing Stock: June comedy shows

Comedians coming to San Diego during June include Whitney Cummings, Larry the Cable Guy, Dane Cook and Jeff Dunham.

6.1-3: Maz Jobrani  

“I would never file for divorce. I would never file for divorce ’ cause I love my wife. Also, I’m a comedian, and she’s a lawyer. Who’s gonna win that one, right?” — Maz Jobrani on Brown and Friendly

@ La Jolla Comedy Store, thecomedystore.com/la-jolla

5.31-6.3: Ryan Hamilton 

“Where do you want to begin? Should we start with my face? Should we? I always look like this. I look really happy all the time, and I don’t feel like this. I really don’t. I feel OK, and I look crazy happy. And I don’t even buy it. I wake up in the morning, and I look in the mirror, and I go, ‘Well, that is inaccurate.’” — Ryan Hamilton on Happy Face

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

6.7-9: Jeff Dye 

“I am single. I had a girlfriend, and then she was like, ‘I wanna get married and have babies,’ and I was like, ‘You’ve changed. This is not the woman I met. You used to be happy with Fish-stick Friday.” — Jeff Dye on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

6.15-16: Whitney Cummings 

“Use your head. You know, if you love me, you’ll think ahead. Little things, like, if you love me, and you buy me lingerie as a gift, don’t buy me a small top and a medium bottom. If you love you, you’ll buy me a large top and a small bottom, and I’ll exchange that shit on my own time.” — Whitney Cummings on I Love You

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

6.16: Larry the Cable Guy 

“Been a crazy week for me this week. My grandma was on medical marijuana, and she broke her hip the other day. She tripped playin’ hacky sack.” — Larry the Cable Guy on We’ve Been Thinking

@ Del Mar Fairgrounds, sdfair.com

6.23: Dane Cook

“I wonder if Dr. Strange ever accidentally opens a time hole when he’s masturbating.” — Dane Cook on Twitter 

@ Harrah’s Resort SoCal, harrahssocal.com

6.23: Jeff Dunham  

“A Chihuahua. That’s my wife’s idea of a family pet. The dog I picked out for us is Bill, our golden retriever. He’s 80 pounds. Now that is a dog, ladies and gentlemen. Anyway, I named him Bill ’cause I got him when Clinton was in office, and as a puppy he was humping everything.” — Jeff Dunham on Spark of Insanity

@ Viejas Casino, viejas.com

6.28-30: Marcella Arguello  

“I used to work as a bank teller, and I’ll never forget the first guy who ever hit on me. He was adorable, charming and asked me to dinner, and I would have said yes if I didn’t know he had $76 in his account. I was like, we’re not even in a relationship, and you already owe me money.” — Marcella Arguello on Comedy Time

@ The American Comedy Co., americancomedyco.com

6.30: Russell Peters 

“It’s hard man, because security at the airport, Customs and Immigration, they really need to learn the difference between a terrorist and an Indian. We’re not the same! We’re not! We’re not from the same part of the world; we don’t speak the same language; we don’t even hate the same people! Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other.” — Russell Peters in Outsourced

@ Pala Casino, palacasino.com

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